


Hard-On Paradise

by loquaciouslass



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: Humor, M/M, also bakura is there for like two lines, comedy fic, dudes watching porn together, no actual boning tho sorry, start of a relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-10-08 23:51:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10398966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loquaciouslass/pseuds/loquaciouslass
Summary: Two dudes, one tape, and a whole bunch of revelations.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this like....four years ago during a free period at uni.

Hardon Paradise was one of those sacred items in Domino High. Whispered about in the boy's bathroom, where attractive girls couldn't roll their eyes at a cassette of dreams, and exchanged to show true friendship. But the true test comes later. When the tape goes missing.

            “I had it earlier!” Yugi said, rummaging through his bag, “I even checked twice! Come on, where is it..?” He threw out sneakers and gym kit, the half-done papers spilling into forgotten corners as he dug deeper. With a grin, Yugi pulled the tape from its prison, “Aha! See? Oh- wait, sorry Joey. The sticker's a bit blurry...”

            “Eh,” Joey plucked it from Yugi's hands, “you did gym, it's raining and it's hot. So long as it still works, right?”

            “I guess we can write it back on...”

            “Exactly! You sure your gramps ain't gonna come back?”

            “He's with Arthur. I won't see him for _days_ ”

            “Your mom?”

            “With dad. In Alaska.” Joey stared. “Don't ask.”

            “Well...okay!” Joey clapped his hands. “We're good to go! Let's watch the magic!”

            The cassette slid inside, T.V. flickering before it settled not onto the familiar, jiggling comfort of peachy pillows, but something else entirely.

            “...This isn't Hardon Paradise...” Said Joey as a man with leather-clad buns strode onto the screen. Over the badly tuned saxophones, his buttocks _squeaked_. He turned to face the camera, smirking like a devil in a whore house. Not that they noticed, eyes drawn to the monument in his booty shorts. How could anyone do that to themselves? It was pulsing under there.

            Another man came on set, with four belts and a strong urge to explore the possibilities of a $100 budget. Yugi laughed, eyes flicking towards his red faced friend and said, “Eh heh heh...oops?”

            “How is that guy still conscious..?” Joey whispered, never looking away from the spectacle. “Look at the size of his dick! It's dyin' in that glorified thong!”

            The first man was squealing in ecstasy as his partner finally touched the leather-coated mass. The boys swallowed, looking everywhere but each other until their gazes settled to their hands in their laps. And what was behind those hands.

            The actor's little friend wasn't the only thing suffocating in the heat. There were only grunts and breathy groans to mask suspiciously heavy sighs.

            “I...I guess I mixed up the tapes at the store...”

            “...At least it's still technically a _Hardon Paradise_ , right?” Joey nudged him, “For a given value of paradise, anyway! He seems to be enjoying the crotch crusher.”

            “Maybe the payoff's worth it?”

            “For his sake, I hope so.”

            They watched the tease and denial a while longer, each time seeing the bootyshorts man strain harder, face red and sweaty when his partner rutted their covered cocks together. The squeaking got louder with the saxophones, coming to a halt once more. Bootyshorts was about to blow his load. The other actor whispered, “you've been very bad, Mr Allcocks. These balls are not nearly blue enough!”

            His voice scratched the sound equipment and static garbled the speech. “Do you know what happens to bad boys, Mr Allcocks?”

            Bootyshorts gasped. “No! Not the... _director!_ ”

            Fog flooded the screen, bright and slightly shaky lights settling on a broad silhouette striding in, crop in one hand.   

            Yugi choked. Joey nearly fell off his chair.

            “Tell me that's not who I think it is, Yugi! Tell me this is a bad dream and that Mr Allcocks is still in those gorgeous pants!”

            “Wait, what?”

            “Yugi, now is not the time to question my turn ons! We must be hallucinating!” He swallowed, pointing. “There's no way that's Kaiba's dad!”

            The director was a severe man with a bushy moustache, hairy legs and the tightest leather ensemble it was possible to put on a shaved bear. He was still wearing a wedding ring. Yugi cringed as his crotch filled the screen, zipper sliding down-

            Joey slapped his hands over his eyes, wailing, “it was hot 'til this cold shower flew in! Little Joey's never gonna rise again!”

            Yugi could only nod, trapped by the mess onscreen. It was awful, but his boner was lapping it up! He set his mind to other matters; gym teacher in the showers, Ushio in frilly cat boxers, any combination of the mad murderers in an array of tight outfits with chains and whips, running their fingers up his bare chest and promising to do unspeakable things-

            He blinked. That had been going well, until the guest appearance of Malik's tongue. Both Maliks' tongues. For the first time since summer, he thanked whatever god was out there that Atem wasn't around.

            “Yugi? Yugi, did you break? I switched it off.” Joey shook his shoulder. “Hey, you okay?”

            “You were right,” he said slowly, “those pants were gorgeous.”

            “Well it was more the guy _in_ the pants, but I guess you'd look nice in them-”

            “Um.”

            “-I just hit on you, didn't I?”

            “Well...yeah.”

            “Oh. Um. I stand by it.”

            “..Thanks?”

            “What? You do look good in your fetish fashion thing. Like a tiny bondage slave.”

            “I do not look like a bondage slave!”

            “You do! You got the sub collar and everything, it's cute!”

            “Little sub, huh Joey? Oh I don't think so!”

            Spurred on by compliments and leather, Yugi clambered on top of his friend, cupped his face, and mashed their lips together. It was clumsy and had the rhythm of an excitable dog, worlds away from romantic films or trashy books. But it was nice. Especially for wiping the last twenty minutes of the movie from their mind.

            “So.”

            “Well.”

            There was silence.

            “You wanna do that again?”

            “Y-yeah! Get your face down here!”

            “It's not my fault you're short!”

            “Try that again, sub-boy!”

            “What, Yugi! Come on, it was just a joke! Put your teeth away! I'm seein' my sister tomorrow, I don't wanna explain why I got bit by a vampire!”

 

            A little way away, in a much smaller room, there was a boy with some popcorn. A tape just finished rolling, bidding farewell to the treasured guest of Hardon Paradise, cum-soaked tits jiggling against the hazy background.

            “Wow,” he said, licking  his fingers, “the spirit was right. I _am_ a raging homosexual.”

            He thought about this for a moment,

            “Wonder if Malik got that vid chat set up?”

            And away he went, memories of breasts already a distant though amid a sea of cocks.

            Raging homosexual didn't cover it.


End file.
